Episodes

Times like these inevitably creep into our uneventful lives. Times when you just feel utterly sad and desolate. Inconsolable. I really don't know when they will come but when these episodes do I am helpless. They may have been triggered by different things but they have a common thread - sadness, hurt and a feeling of betrayal

I suddenly felt this way again today upon accidentally  learning of my friends' upcoming trip which doesn't include me. It hurts but I understand. It isn't possible for them to include me. Yes, I understand but it doesn't make it feel any less hurting. I feel betrayed even if I know I shouldn't. Someone said that we shouldn't be afraid when some people will no longer be our friends because we deserve better friends. Someone also said that we should surround ourselves with people who lift up our spirits and leave those who drag us down. I believe that I did nothing wrong. If I did, it's too petty to warrant a cold war this long. I already apologized even if my hand was somewhat forced. I've extended an olive branch several times, to no avail. It is hard to maintain friendships with those who are caught in the middle. Doing so ensures that I would always feel this way on a regular basis. Ignorance is indeed bliss but having common friends ensures that I would never be ignorant. Should I sever all ties altogether to keep from hurting? I guess not. Losing one already hurts a lot. Losing one or two more is unthinkable. I will just endure...This episode will pass. I will be back to normal again...until the next episode comes again...