I was just chatting with some
friends online when a long forgotten person was mentioned. Very vivid and at
the same time, blurry memories came rushing back. Vivid for they invoke strong
feelings and blurry for those moments were so fleeting, I sometimes question
myself if those memories are real.
The term was not yet coined then
but “ghosting” was already a thing when I was in high school. I consider myself
a subject matter expert on it even if it only happened to me once. This is by
no means a story of the greatest love of my life nor is it the most
heartbreaking; but it sure is quite interesting and paints a very colorful and
fun chapter in my youth.
I was a transferee then and as a
new student, I was still trying to get to know my classmates, but in typical
high school fashion, there was this guy who did his best to get my attention.
It was not difficult for he was just my type - tall, fair and good looking. Whenever we would
cross paths, his friends would egg him on to do crazy stuff to get me to notice
him. Before long, we were talking and getting to know each other better. He
made me feel extra special. Boys, take note, most girls will fall for anyone
who treats them like a princess. This is not to say that this guarantees, you
get the girl. But I digress…Okay, let me get back to my story. Let’s call him
Jake (the name fits any high school bad boy, again my type J). Jake paid extra
attention to me and would be overly solicitous at times. He would ask if I have
eaten already or if I was comfortable. For a new girl, still trying to get her
bearings in a new environment, this was overwhelming, but I gladly let myself
be overwhelmed. I can no longer recall every single thing he did (like I said
blurry) but a few things left their mark. The reason I transferred schools was
I was sickly then and would have frequent fainting spells. Jake would always be
one of those who would carry me down a flight of stairs from our classroom to
the clinic next building. One time, we were on a school trip, I remember he
gave me a rose and when I fainted (this was not after he gave me the rose J) he took care of me. After
I recovered, he showed me that he kept the cotton balls with ammonia that were
used on me at the back of his ID case. He was a master at eliciting that giddy
feeling that has no direct translation in English, “kilig”. I can still recall
the feeling of having my stomach tied up in knots because of “kilig”. Just when
I was starting to have feelings for him, he stopped talking to me and even
ignored me! It was a complete turnaround from lavish attention to indifference.
To my young fragile mind, it was incomprehensible! What happened? What did I
do? Shortly thereafter, he left school and I heard his family migrated to
another country. I won’t say I was heartbroken since I wasn’t really that emotionally invested in him yet. I was more baffled and also hurt because
at the very least I thought we were friends. It was also a blow to my ego. Why
would he do this to me? Why did I allow this to happen to me? I was not an NBSB
girl who would easily fall for the first guy who gives me attention. The most
baffling thing though was the fact that most of our classmates were oblivious
to what was going on! To this day, I cannot recall anybody I can call on to
corroborate my account of what transpired then. They only have vague
recollections of me having a crush on Jake. He must have woven a magic cloak on
everything he did for me that everyone, save for myself, did not see them. This
was being ghosted to the highest level!
In retrospect, I am thankful that
things transpired that way. I am the sort that has to have closure, that has to
talk it out over and over until I get a satisfactory answer. He left and nobody
else seemed to know, so there was no one I could ask why? I was maybe a bit sad
for a while but I did not sulk. Life went on and I had other crushes in high
school and even got back together with my boyfriend from my former school
towards the end of my senior year. I can only look back at this experience with
amusement and a little “kilig”. So that’s what it is called. I was ghosted and
I was the only one who knew about it. Who knows, Jake must’ve been a real ghost
after all! J
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